Date: November 02, 2009, Monday
Time: 2300-ish (GMT-0800, US/Canada Pacific Time)

Fucked up shit abounds! So, around 1600 of Halloween, my friend Misako - a friend of mine for nearly 10 years and exchange student from Tokyo over here at UW studying for a master's in computer sciences - was run down by a drunk driver who had run three red lights. She had me down as emergency contact ever since I got back and so I went right away to Seattle's Swedish Center/ Cherry Hill hospital.

I called her parents and they got right on a flight from Narita over here. They arrived in time to see their only child - their little baby girl! - die... And by then she was already brain dead. I don't know if it was better that they didn't have to see the when she'd still been conscious and in agony.

Owada Misako was pronounced dead at 1947 on November 1st, age 25. Her parents will be having a service here this next weekend and then will take her ashes back to Japan so they can have their traditional Shinto rites there among family... at least, what rites remain to them.

Of course, I'm going to the service. So no one expect anything of me next weekend. I'm going and come hell, high water or the fucking zombie apocalypse I will be there.

Long story short, I had a very unhappy weekend, along with Misako and her parents and countless others around the world who had bad things happen to them. I had been emotionally drained by all the happenings. The sudden and completely out of the blue - not to mention the unpleasant and tragic circumstances - only made the whole thing worse, more bitter, feel worse.

I'm an emotional - usually happy - person... So, it took 24 hours to wear the fuck out of my feelings. It left me feeling really goddamn hollow. So, Misako's former roommate Ryan had me over and we destroyed the whole stash of their alcohol... and by we, read he had one bottle of Jack to himself while I should now be dead from alcohol poisoning and would be if not for my freakish metabolism.

Somehow I got myself to the earliest ferry back over to Bremerton and was then able to get myself to campus by 0600. I didn't really want to be at my place and be around my brother and nephew and whoever the fuck else. I really needed to just be somewhere with people who I could just kind of forget things with for a while.

I spent my day looking up funny and stupid shit on the internet and alternating between desperately depressed and near manic humor.

And then, when I was about to go home Monday evening and try to sleep, a friend comes in to the student center as shaken up and upset - for good reason. She had been suffering some unpleasant situations at home and it had come to a breaking point where she found she could no longer suffer the abuse.

I just fucking lose my goddamn mind when people do this kind of shit. She's a small person and her brother is a lot bigger than her and she isn't versed in self defense or anything like that. And she's not someone who says fucked up shit to get someone all violent so I really just wanted to haul off and take my Louisville Slugger right upside this bastard's head.

At least with my brother, I know he's not that fucking retarded as to do that sort of thing to me - if only because he knows he'd have to kill me or suffer a reckoning of Biblical proportions from me, my mom and my sister... and most likely my sister-in-law.

Which is really the only way to sensibly deal with that sort of stupidity if you ask me. If a grown adult male, for whatever fucking reason, ever decides to put his hands on a female - especially unprovoked - I say fuck that man up until he KNOWS that's NOT OKAY.

It's a fucked up situation that her family shouldn't have put her in in the first place and to make matters worse, she's afraid to go back home.

At first she wanted to merely live in the parking lot on the campusfor a while. With some suggestions from myself and another though, we convinced her to talk to security and the police.

I had to be talked out of all the crazily violent things I wanted to do... with bats, lead pipes and the possible buying of a gun... Some of these things I'm still contemplating... I think I could get a real shot at the whole insanity thing too, what with my "record".

Long story short, she ended up at a shelter for the night and then, because of the whole affair, her mother decided to kick both her and her brother out of the house... except her brother has yet to leave but she can't go back home in the meantime. To me, that reads as her brother got away with it.

WHAT IN THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THAT MOTHER?!?!

Her son assaults her daughter and she does NOTHING to the son and kicks her daughter out of the house?!

I hope she burns in GODDAMN HELL right beside Hitler and Himmler and all those other fucking crazy sons-of-bitches! Fuck!

Don't take this next part the wrong way, as I am fully aware that there are other who are suffering far more than I am in the wake of these events but... holy fucking damn, it's kind of ridiculous. Just one emotional roller coaster after another...

FUCK. MY. LIFE.

*Update*

Date: November 05, 2009, Thursday
Time: 0700-ish (GMT-0800 US/Canada Pacific Time)

I'm hoping that I've just gone through the worst week of my life because if this shit gets much worse I think I'll just fucking kill myself.

So, Tuesday I had a few things to do... and among other things, my off the record job needed me to do a few things for them... things that they had to have me come in for. So, Tuesday evening I was picked up and taken to a location I will not disclose. This was fine. Nothing unusual in that. They prefer to be able to keep an eye on me when I'm supposed to be on the job. Maybe they even missed me.

However, I was working on some pretty heavy shit, like extremely time sensitive and highly volatile and dangerous things... that I can't go any further into detail over... Point being, the tasks given to me put me under a lot of stress.

Now, I'm not a pussy. I can work under duress very well. Fuck, I'm good at taking stress and using it to motivate me onwards. I THRIVE on stress! Bootcamp was fucking EASY even at it's "most stressful". However, the stress and emotional unpleasant state I've been operating under since this last weekend... plus this extra stress...

After working out the problems given to me, and I mean immediately after, I collapsed. And it wasn't exactly a sudden thing. My handler and the team I work with were freaking out at me after I'd been working for only about an hour... because I'd begun to cough up blood. They'd been trying to get me away from my work, to get me to go to a hospital but I stuck it out until I finished.

And then I woke up in a hospital Wednesday mid-morning to find my handler and one of the people from my team sitting there in a room with me, looking as though they'd been through hell. They had me hooked up to all sorts of shit and that was not the best way to wake up, I'll tell you that. I had removed the IV a half-dozen or more times in my sleep and it was the first thing I did once I achieved consciousness as well. I hate that shit! It's weird and uncomfortable and just wrong to have a sharp piece of metal just sitting there inside your flesh!

It was only a minute before I had five people trying to wrestle the thing back in and I gave them absolute hell. Anyway... they decided to run some tests as coughing up thick and dark blood is not apparently a healthy behavior... and...

I might be dying... Correction, I am most likely dying. The question is, what is killing me?

And the answer is... I won't know until Monday at the earliest. I just hope it's not cancer... cause that shit gets really expensive...